Chapter Fifteen, Where Do We Go From Here?

Adam took a slow drink of his tea. Setting his cup down, he took a deep breath.

"Beth…I don't normally take stock in dreams…but I do think that nightmares can be linked to stress…I think this might be one of those cases."

All she could do was stare at him, wide-eyed, and swallow past the lump in her throat. Her heart palpitated and her eyes burned with unshed tears.

"Do you think you're in any real danger?"

Averting her eyes, she clenched her hands in her lap. "I don't think so."

"But, you're not sure?"

"I-I guess I'm not…I mean…how many girls convince themselves that it won't happen to them…then it does? I keep asking myself if I'm willing to take that risk."

"Are you?"

Taking a deep breath, she blew it out and shook her head. "No…I'm not."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. Now…where do we go from here? Do you want to talk or do you want to work it out on your own?"

Beth hesitated. Once she spoke, the words could never be unspoken. What if I'm wrong? What if I'm over-reacting?

"Your secrets are safe with me, Beth. I hate seeing you like this. I'll help you any way I can."

She gave him a weak smile and said, "Thanks, Adam. You've been so great. I don't know what I'd do without you right now."

She picked up her cup with shaky hands and, trying to hold the tears at bay, sipped her tea. Taking a deep breath, she decided to take the plunge.

"Ok. Well…I'm not sure where to start."

He gave a nod of encouragement. "It's ok. How about starting with why you left home?"

"Ok. Well…I left because…because I was confused…unsure that Kyle is the right one for me, you know? I just needed some time away…to clear my head and talk it out with God.

"I've seen so many women blinded by their feelings for a guy that they end up in really bad situations. I don't want my life to be full of regrets." I just want to be loved…

Adam's thick brown eyebrows drew together. "What makes you think you'll have regrets? Is it something he's done, said, his attitude…what?"

Confusion. It spun around her like a whirlwind. She clamped her eyes. Focusing her thoughts, she drew in a calming breath.

"That's one of the things I've been thinking about. He seemed to change once we became engaged. He seems more…more…I don't know…more like my dad, I think. Not that I don't love my dad, but he's…well, Dad's rather excessive about wifely submission. And Kyle kind of…" She cleared her throat and dropped her gaze to her lap where her hands once again lay clenched. "…well…he started acting like a jerk, to be honest."

"Chauvinistic?"

Laughing a mirthless laugh, Beth shook her head. "I guess you could say that. I don't know…I'm not sure what to call it."

Sighing, tears welled in her eyes again. She blinked them back. "It got to where he would just take off for the weekend without telling me - he would just disappear. He acted like it was no big deal when I'd get upset about it. But, if I so much as went out to coffee or-or breakfast with one of my girlfriends without running it by him first, he'd blow.

"I can't imagine his anger with me right now. I'm afraid if he finds out where I am, he'll come after me to drag me home and I'll never hear the end of it. He…he has a way of…of saying things…things that make me feel…bad…or guilty over nothing…" Deep breaths, Beth…breathe… "…I just get so confused and feel so…so worthless."

A tear slipped out before she could stop it. She swiped at it and, sniffing, blinked back the rest.

Adam clenched his fists and raised them as if to strike the table. His jaw ticked and he glared past her. Taking a deep breath, he opened his hands and rested his palms on the table as if forcing himself to calm down.

"I don't know Kyle... I can't speak to his character. But…what I can tell you is that a man who seeks to honor the Lord never sets out to belittle the woman he loves. Not saying that he'll be perfect, but his goal is to treat her with honor."

When his eyes met hers, Beth's heart froze at the intensity of indignation that pooled in them.

"If Kyle makes a practice of humiliating you because you haven't lived up to his demands and unrealistic expectations, then I'd say you are right to get out of the situation. Relationships should be reciprocal and full of mutual respect."

Beth smiled a watery smile. "How did you get to be so wise? Your parents must set an awesome example for you."

Shrugging, he lifted the cup to his lips. "My dad's in heaven and my mom's crippled with a debilitating disease. But when Dad was alive, I never saw him complain about my mom's handicaps. He loved her and treated her like a princess.

"Even when he worked all day, came home, cooked supper, and took care of three kids, he always had smiles, gentle hugs, and kisses for Mom…brought her flowers now and then…constantly told her how blessed he was to have her love and the beautiful children she'd given him."

"Wow. That's so beautiful. She must miss him so much. You must miss him."

Finishing off his tea, he set his cup down and nodded. "Yes…we do. I try to care for Mom in a way that would make Dad proud. I have to admit that his shoes are some pretty big ones to fill." A tender smile lit his face.

"Sometimes I get to feeling peevish and selfish…Then, I remind myself what Mom lost when Dad died and I determine to make her as comfortable and happy as I can."

Swiping at her tears, Beth cleared her throat, but couldn't speak past her emotions. How wonderful it would be to be loved like that. That's what I want, Lord. Is it even possible? Is it too late for me?

Adam stood and held out a hand. "Come here, Beth. You're still trembling."

She stood on legs of noodles and Adam wrapped his arms around her. Holding her close, he rocked her gently.

Resting in the comfort of his embrace, she let the tears flow.

~Linnette R Mullin